Being a curious fellow, I decided to interview a female classmate about the bathroom habits of women. Here’s what went down…. I’m Q, she’s A.
Q. Why do girls always go to the bathroom together?
A. You need a bathroom buddy. It’s weird to go by yourself because other people may hear you pee. You feel safer with your friends around.
Q. What are the bathrooms like?
A. They’re usually clean, and smell like cleaning supplies. Sometimes they’re smelly though, because there’s always that one girl who decides to take a massive dump and not flush. 50% of the time, there’s a used tampon on the floor.
Q. Why does it take girls so long to go to the bathroom? We know it takes a while to pee while sitting down, so what else takes forever?
A. Well, first you have to find the stall that’s the least disgusting. Then, you have to cover the seat with either toilet paper or a cover. Since we wear tight pants, it takes forever to take our pants off. So we have to do the “Skinny Pants Dance”. Then, you actually go.
Q. What do you do to keep occupied while sitting there on the porcelin throne?
A. You think about your day, and check out your nails. That’s about it. Sometimes you forget you’ve finished, and you just sit there for a while.
Q. What do you do after finishing?
A. Then, you have to pull up your pants, which is harder to do than pulling them off. And then, after you do that, you wash your hands and stare into the mirror at the sink for a while. Sometimes you re-do your make-up.
Q. Anything else?
A. Hmmmm…. Well, the school bathroom is particuary interesting because there’s a mural of a naked lady in there, fingering herself.
(Editors note: I have no idea what that has to do with anything….)
Q. Well, thanks for your time.
A. Oh! I have a question. Isn’t it akward, peeing out in the open, with everyone staring at your wang?
Q. If it’s big enough, you don’t care.
(Please note, the girl I interviewed is responsible for a noodle picture.)